will i now be taken to the post?

i was hanging around at kittyradio when i was like, half a cosmic second younger. i think it was 1998?
since then my bitterness at the collapse of the fun -- compounded by seeing the same thing happen in larger levels all over society. like, people seem way more stingy with love...all the same...

i think the best time was 'post something that will make me cumm'

those threads were AWESOME, like, it was seriously a love party.
i would have gotten paranoid, but it got pretty obvious that someone, perhaps just didn't like the fact that people were having a good time. i was sort of powerless, too, and that gave me pause...
as the people i cared about got ganged up on and hassled and made to feel unwelcome, i TRIED, i tried to stick up for them...

who was perfect people? nobody i guess. but i KNOW i saw people getting hated on for wanting to have a good time.

i gave up but i went back. i wasn't originally a fan of courtney love. i joined hole.com after the death of whatshisface because i was curious and i wasn't buying most of the slanderous, misogynist stuff i was hearing. (shit)

it occurs to me that...it was way more hip to be feminist in those years, in the late eighties. i ended up becoming more of a fan when i got into some hole tunes that i could appreciate. after awhile i realised that i was feeling personally persecuted...

--
but then i would just leave bitterly. i would swear all sorts of profound electronic revenges and then just back off of it, play nice, play nice...

years past. i continued to feel raped, in general, every day, by the system. i felt that before there was a Nirvana, anyway. it was 2004 and people nominated ME to be the mod of the forum formerly called "the Issues". i said i didn't want to do it but people nominated me and i grudgingly did it. for about a week.

venal jerks, unbelievable. as a mod i really saw people ganging up on others out of jealousy -- doing petty shit to tear people's relationship apart, some real bottom-of-the-bottom feeder shit!

the moderators were doing it. it was only a short time before there was no way i wanted to be in that club. i am pretty sure i employed 'f' words in telling them they could keep their moderator powers.

==

i stopped going for a while. a long while. there's another alternative to kr started by brava and others who got pushed out. it got hacked and i don't think she can let new members in. particlezen is there if you know and love here...

====

all in all it was a microcosmic version of the ongoing battle between good and evil, between venally, lurchingly pointlessly stupid and kind of cool but not thinking a big fight is worth it. i remember the times when clove had her radio show and kids posted "how dare she call her radio show kittyradio...WE are kittyradio...who does she think she is?" jon stewart was wrong, irony was not dead. he knows that now, i think.

=======
all good people go to heaven.
============

i know that the past is forever gone, even memories are not the past.
but i just wanna believe that i can hang out online with people who are NOT about feasting on the emotional pain of the talented, people who don't feel like kicking other people when they are down.

all those tiny fucking people hating people who got along.
i had a whole buncha THERAPY in 2000. had some breakthroughs, started seeing clearly, myself...and also the INSANITY of others started becoming crystal clear.

weak envious assholes. i laugh because they can't cry unless they are chopping onions or getting peppersprayed, weak splattering shits.



*counterculture